Friday, April 25, 2008

Jim Kelly Must be Embarassed

As noted by the indispensable Bostonist, it seems Law & Order SVU has added an NFL theme to its 'ripped from the headlines' approach to crime drama. The promo for the show, as described by my favorite wenches of journalism:

In an episode titled “The Closet,” a pro football player who wears No. 12, has a cleft chin and a supermodel galpal, plays in a red-and-blue stadium and is “the best quarterback in football” is the prime suspect in a gay murder.

Like you my first thought was: Man, I feel bad for former Buffalo Bills Quarterback Jim Kelly. The description nails him down to the number and the uniform colors!

Would all the closet gay murderers please
raise their hands? Thank you.

Obviously I ruled out Father right away, because surely the episode would have referenced a multiple Superbowl MVP winning QB who heals the downtrodden, lifts the oppressed, and fights evil doers with karate chops.

On an unrelated note, because I am a super genius I practice palindromes for fun. Sometimes instead of letters I use the full words. So instead of words like Racecar, I would do something along the lines of Dick Wolf Wolfs Dick. I know there is an extra "s" in there, but it still looks right to me.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Piggyback. Literally.

You may have seen the now famous picture of me with Father and the Umlaut. What you might not realize is that I am not being carried by the Umlaut, but rather I am carrying her! Using my superior infant strength, I am putting her back in the vehicle that brought Her Skankness to our peaceful villa.

As you can see, Father and I are a perfect team, escorting a drunk and lightheaded Umlaut into a vehicle that will take her away from us at high speed. But every morning, there she is at our front door - passed out, oversexed, with several wallets and reeking of cough syrup. Think of it like the movie Homeward Bound, but instead of a cute dog finding his way home, its a retarded model with cocaine all over her face who can't be kept away.

Growth Note: Sucking on my pacifier actually pacifies others.

Picture Source: Flynet.