Friday, March 23, 2007

I Have Much to Do in Four Months

As mother mentioned yesterday, this week marks the fifth month of my uterine lodgings. It seems like just yesterday I was inspecting my new domicile, wiping dust from the chandeliers, and hiring a landscaper for my vast gardens. And while I have accomplished much, I admit I am beginning to feel the pressure of completing my many endeavors before I rocket from the womb at 120 mph. Here is a list from last week that I finished:

Well, most of that is already done, and I have been able to throw a football into space for some time. One of those does remind me that I need to get a new phone number. Some people call and call and call and for whatever reason, don't piece together that there's a reason they are not getting called back.

My list going forward will be much more ambitious. It won't be as earth shattering as walking on stage and posing for pictures with shoes I didn't even create, but I hope it will contribute in some way. It'll probably be something like solving global warming using my own radiant coolness. But nothing like what the Umlaut is doing. I mean - shoes... That's important stuff. I can't wait for her to show off her macaroni necklace while her face is covered in paste and glitter. Well, what's probably paste anyway. Seriously, she's retarded.

Growth Note: My snot is a mixture of honey and emeralds.


MCBias said...

It is a shame that a writer so young, so talented, and yet so humble was never truly embraced by the populace. Our loss is great. Please, Dreamboat Baby, when you destroy the earth in your anger that we did not accept you, kill me last, for I am a devoted follower of your every post.

kma35han said...

I love that name for Gisele Bundchen-Umlaut! Seriously, she's not too smart if she's making comments like she does about anorexia. Dreamboat Baby, I think you will do great things for the world. Umlaut is starting to remind me a lot of Juno, Jupiter's wife, who was very controlling.