Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Smell It

I wrote before about Father being named the new Stetson Man. You can smell his musk, can't you. It's so strong that upon purchasing Stetson, men are given several complimentary doses of Plan B. These are then to be handed to any woman who comes within 30 feet of him, as the scent of Father's cologne can lead to pregnancy.

Below is not just the advertisement for a cologne that will make you reek of accomplishment and infinite divinity, but it is also a story of the Umlaut.

Here we see Father giving the Umlaut a ride to the Center for Critically Brain Injured and Illiterate Super Models. What does she immediately do with this act of selfless charity? She goes for his wallet and his crotch. Father knows she can't help it, but clearly he is restraining himself; obviously hoping that she does not drool in his ear and distract him from piloting the vehicle.


Father then celebrates the Umlaut's departure by jumping his motorcycle over 50 buses (not pictured) and raising $4 million for HIV awareness in Africa. What looks like a kick to the air is actually a long-held Yoga pose (Warrior 25, better known as Bradyasana). Simple in form, the pose is deceivingly complex; as Father acheives the near-impossible feat of attaining inner peace - not for him, but for everyone else. He already has that shit.

Growth Note: I sweat liquid nitrogen

Daily Stab via The Big Lead

1 comment:

kma35han said...

Dreamboat Baby,
Here's a comment I have for you that I wrote yesterday regarding Umlaut's much-anticipated absence to Australia:

"You know what? I hope she stays in Australia or goes to some other country, and that SHE DOESN'T COME BACK HERE!!! Honestly, our country survived (somehow, how could anyone or anything do without without this woman? Honestly!), our economy did not weaken (Yes, our economy did terrifically without her panty lines and business ventures. We need to remember that people like Bill Gates shape the economy, NOT Gisele Bundchen who has people running her businesses for her), and our country had a better moral backbone (back then, models did not do stupid things). We can and will survive without her. If she never comes back then several of us can come on here and have a party."