Monday, January 7, 2008

Majestically Virile Parent

Yes friends, Father was named the NFL's MVP - as if there was any doubt. It would have been a unanimous vote, but ever the benevolent leader he is, Father requested a vote be made to the ghost of Sean Taylor. Peter King, the heralded Sports Illustrated scribe, took up father's offer and then unthinkably double-crossed him! How else could a first-place vote go to Brett Favre? Mr. King, in addition to the usual layer of Favre-spooge, you now have egg on your face.

I have taken a break from writing as I have spent almost a full month in a meditative state. My consciousness reached into unknown worlds, explored the very meaning of the divine, and transcended the vibrations of the universe. I also started baby-karate lessons which totally kick ass. I could karate chop your neck if I wanted to.

I have been catching up on my reading, and I must say I do not understand why Father is receiving so much attention for not having the Umlaut at his games, and encouraging Mr. Romo to leave Ms. Simpson outside of the public's eyes. Father does not do this for himself, rather he does it as a means of protecting others, and even the Umlaut herself. Imagine the Umlaut in such a congested area, having consumed nothing but alleyway sperm and cigarettes; she would become overstimulated by all of the lights, sounds, and smells. Also, with so many young children wandering around, Father knows she could not resist the opportunity to attempt several kidnappings and other acts of petty larceny.

Yet his acts of charity to her know no bounds. For you see, she thinks she has been to many games and met the players, coaching staff and others. How did he do this? Father took her to the zoo"
Oh... are yoo zee crotch belly-check? I will takes your pictures you
fuzzy coach-man of american footballz!

No. Father loves his fans. And he will protect everyone from the Umlaut. Especially the children. Thanks to Father, kidnappings in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts have dropped 100% during times she is within state lines. Coincidence?

Growth Note: I piss lightning


kma35han said...

I love you, Dreamboat Baby! Happy New Year!

Tammy said...

We missed you, Dreamboat Baby!! You simply MUST keep writing. While you're catching up on your reading, you might like to go to the Herald site and check out the "JET Moynahan" and "Sorry, Baby!" skit. Just click on the Brady & Umlaut posts on the Inside Track.