Dear Pirate Hooker & Cottage Legs,
I see you are hell bent on devoting your idle time to destroying my family. This nonsense you vomit forth reeks of a transparent attempt to get US Weekly to notice you. You say The Umlaut tells father to "stay cool" as if that means anything to her. This man has won three Superbowls and is considered the greatest clutch quarterback of all time. I dare say he does not need advice on staying cool from a 26 year old Brazilian mouth-breather whose main skills consist of walking deliberately and resisting genetic tendencies to steal wallets or kidnap people. But no, you hose-beasts made her appear a calming force for father. He could receive similar calm from a retarded beagle dryhumping his leg. Granted, she possess a sweet rack, but they still smell like DiCaprio's hands I bet.
The Inside Track Ladies on the Job.
Growth Note: My hair is more silken than the skin of the youngest geisha in Asia